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Is Your Merry-Go-Round Merry?

My childhood love affair with merry-go-rounds developed slowly. Some kids giggle with glee the first time they ride one. I had a primary-school panic attack when everything went blurry and I realized that my spindly arms were no match for the G-forces that threatened to slingshot my pint-sized body into the next neighbourhood. As I grew older (and my spindly arms grew stronger) I learned to enjoy a leisurely tour on the wheel (that is, as long as the Person-In-Charge-of-Spinning didn’t take any liberties with the pre-designated speed limit). Eventually I grew to love a ride on a fast-spinning merry-go-round, the powerful sensation of centrifugal force taking over my body. I’d cling on for dear life, giggling uncontrollably as the ride went faster and faster, loving every minute. The merry-go-round became a fun childhood buzz that I grew smitten with.

The merry-go-round can be an analogy for our relationships in life. Some relationships we are born into, while others we choose for ourselves. As the ride gets going, we get to decide whether we’re comfortable with the speed, or enjoying the mood of the ride. It’s great when everyone is laughing and having a good time. But what if it turns out there’s a mean little kid on your ride who is focused exclusively on prying your fingers from the bars so that you DO fly off? Or if there’s a cry baby on the ride, being a downer and ruining the fun for everyone else? Or maybe there’s a diabolical person in charge of the spinning, the kind who promises to send you ‘round at an agreeable speed but once you’re on he bursts into evil laughter, and spins you into warp speed until you either throw up, pass out or beg for mercy. The merry-go-round can also be an analogy for our relationship with ourselves. The messages we give ourselves, whether consciously or unconsciously – about what we’re like, what we deserve or what we’re capable of - can be a real force for the better or for the worse, depending on the tone and content of those messages. If we have a good sense of self-esteem and give ourselves positive messages, it can make our ride a lot more enjoyable. But if we’re on a ride that’s full of negative messages, a lot of momentum can build up after years of telling ourselves things like “life is hard”, “I don’t ever get a break”, or “nobody really cares”. Like that diabolical person in charge of the spinning, our own internal dialogue can send us into a self-inflicted swirling vortex of doom. And that kind of ride is no fun at all. When we’re spinning around on a bad ride - whether it’s self-inflicted or not - it can feel impossible to get off without getting hurt somehow. True, it takes effort and courage to reach your foot to the ground and slow the ride down enough to step off – or depending on the circumstances, you might have to jump to safety - but unless you want to throw up, pass out, or continue begging for mercy, I guarantee it’s worth the effort to get off that ride and onto a better one. You might end up with a few scrapes or bruises, but scrapes and bruises heal; as scary as it may seem, getting off of a bad ride might just be the best thing for you. For some insightful and practical ideas for how we can ensure our personal “merry-go-round” remains (or finally becomes) a fun ride, watch this week’s episode of Optimal Living where we focus on Healthy Relationships. We’ll explore how our self-esteem impacts our relationships; why community is so important; and how being authentic and transparent in all of our relationships is important if we really want to live optimally. Catch this week’s Optimal Living on Rogers Cable 20 Waterloo Region, today at 9:00pm (9:30 in Stratford) and Sunday at 6:30pm. And may your ride always be merry.

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©2023 by Kelly Wagner

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