When you *know* you're meant to be doing something different, but everyone keeps pointing you in the same tired old directions, it's easy to feel stuck. Here's what you need to know...and what to do instead. (watch the video, or read the written version below instead):
If you’re someone who’s in a job you really want to break free from, I can tell you that one of the biggest hurdles you’ll have to hop over en route to your new life - second only to your mindset and identity, those are by far the biggest hurdles, but that’s another story - the second biggest hurdle you’ll have to overcome is your friends and family‘s mindset and identity, meaning the person THEY think you are, in THEIR minds, and what THEY know you to be capable of.
Now 99% of the time, those folks near and dear to you don’t MEAN to be arguing for your limitations or trying to keep you where you’re feeling stuck.
The people who care about us are almost ALWAYS trying to HELP us, especially when you’re in a place of feeling completely ungrounded and unsettled about “what to do with your life” (ask me how I know).
They care about you and want you to be safe and successful, but - as I talk about in my vision board sessions and in my Recipe for Success program - even the most successful people among us are still run primarily by their subconscious minds, and ALL of our brains are designed to keep us safe and alive first and foremost (nevermind to THRIVE…this powerful part of our brain doesn’t give two HOOTS about thriving, it’s survival all the way) - and to that part of our brains, “safe” equates to “the same”…so your friends & family see your “safety” as sticking to what they know of you. Our minds all create connections & notice patterns in order to help us “stay safe” - this brain constantly tries to predict the future, based on our experiences in the past - so these friends and family are advising you based on what THEY know -
But if you’re like ME and out of necessity you had to just buckle down and “stay safe” doing something to pay the bills (sometimes for a LONG time), and you happen to have gotten really good at what you’ve HAD to do - I call this your “Adapted Self” - then people all recognize that skill in you, and THEY identify you in those kinds of roles - and YES, you may indeed be very GOOD at those things.
But if you’re unhappy, unfulfilled, if you feel stuck and pigeonholed into those roles, and somewhere inside, you know, you just KNOW there’s something different for you…you HAVE to listen to that.
You HAVE to recognize that people are giving you suggestions and ideas that are aligned with everything THEY know you’re good at, and those ideas are meant from a kind, loving, helpful place, but NOBODY KNOWS THE WHOLE OF YOU LIKE YOU DO.
And even when you’re not necessarily CONFIDENT yet in the new you that you know you feel called to move into, even when you’re not sure yet exactly what that is - that’s your true self, what I think of as your Authentic Self (as opposed to your Adapted Self) - that’s what’s calling to you.
LISTEN to that call. Follow where it leads you. It may not even take you directly to THE thing, but it will take you to the NEXT thing, the next step on your path toward getting there.
And really - in the kind of life I want to live anyway - there really IS no “getting there”…it’s always a continually evolving, gently upward spiral…
But that’s another story. What I want to say for you today, is that when well-meaning people direct you to options that keep you in a place that makes you feel stuck, just know that:
A) they mean well,
B) they don’t MEAN to imply that you’re best stuck doing something similar to what you’ve always done, and
C) trust that feeling in your gut that tells you "NO, that’s NOT for me anymore. Yes maybe once upon a time that’s where I excelled and I COULD do a good job doing that, but it’s time for me to move on, to move upward, to GROW."
YOU have to be your own truest advocate, and THAT is often scary and isolating. You’ve GOT to stay around people who believe in your possibilities, and KEEP your OWN internal narrative supportive of where it is that you’re headed, even if you have only the most vague idea so far about where that “next stage” might be.
I’m working on some new stuff around all this, that’ll probably launch in September, just working on it all now so SIGN UP at kellywagnerkw.com if you want to be the first to hear once this thing becomes available -
But in the meantime, just remember to BELIEVE IN YOU. Listen to that deep inner knowing, even if that depth of knowing isn’t quite CLEAR yet. The clarity will come as you keep tapping into that depth of knowing, and as you surround yourself with maybe new people who can see you as your TRUE SELF does…as someone whose possibilities are literally INFINITE.
When you combine that depth of knowing with the tools and community and support to help you get there, you WILL get there. Remember that, and never ever forget it. ❤️
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