I'm so touched by the kindness I received following last week's post about how to get yourself out of a funk, and invigorated by the discussion that ensued by way of your emails and comments on the post (you can check out those comments by scrolling to the bottom of that post here).
To answer some of your expressions of care, yes I am feeling much, much better now, thank you! Writing last week's post was cathartic for me to begin with (as was following the four steps myself), but hearing how it helped you was the greater reward. Thank you to those who shared how it impacted you.
The discussions by way of the comments on the post also brought to mind one of the other silent tragedies of living a life that's laced with your own or your loved one's brushes with depression. Being suffocated by those kinds of negative emotions pulls you under into a pseudo-existence that resembles 'living' but isn't really living at all. I remember so many occasions when visits with Mom didn't really feel like actual visits, because she'd be somewhere else in spirit...lost in her own thoughts and regrets about the past, it seemed. Sadly, the more lost Mom stayed in her past, the more incapable she became of building the future she dreamed about.
Life is meant to be vibrant and energizing, peaceful and content, as we connect with others through meaningful relationships. Yet the nature of our reality is that there are dark times as well as light - just as there is day and night - and I've found that some of life's richness and depth can come as a direct result of those dark times. It's by working through those times - times of sadness and loss, of fear and anger - and rising above them, that we gain perspective, appreciation and a certain depth of character that comes from having to face and overcome personal challenges.
But remaining in those dark times is not how it's intended to be.
Back in April, I wrote about having attended Oprah's Lifeclass in Toronto. There was a woman in the audience - a strong, brave, heart-centered woman - who was trying to overcome the grief of losing her young husband to cancer. But try as she might, she kept sinking back into her feelings of loss. She described how great their love had been, and how blessed her life had been by his presence...which only amplified her feelings of loss. Each of Oprah's guests that day - Iyanla Vanzant, Deepak Chopra, Bishop T.D. Jakes and Tony Robbins - had wonderful advice for this woman, but Iyanla Vanzant in particular said something that really resonated with me. It applies to anyone who has lost someone they love, regardless of how their loved one died. She said:
"Living and feeling and loving now would not make you disloyal to the loved one you lost." ~ Iyanla Vanzant
Living and feeling and loving now, when we are in the wake of a great loss, can be a daunting challenge. There is indeed a strange kind of guilt that can come with going on and living your life when your loved one is gone, somehow making you feel 'disloyal' to them. But after giving yourself due time to grieve, going on to live your life is perhaps the greatest honour you can bestow in memory of your loved one, and the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Truly living and feeling and loving, every day, are keys to a life well-lived, whether you've recently lost a loved one or not.
So with that, I'd like to share 4 Ways To Live (and feel and love) Now:
Be grateful. Gratitude for whatever it is you have in your life right now - even if that's just your fond memories - is a prerequisite for having goodness and joy in your life today. That day at Oprah's Lifeclass, Bishop T.D. Jakes pointed out that "Wherever there is appreciation, there will be duplication." Write down five things, three things, even one thing that you are grateful for, every single day, and watch your blessings multiply.
Be present. We can be so preoccupied with the past or focused on the future that we miss what's going on around us, here and now. Block out time to plan for your future and always consider what you learned from the past, but then move on and be present in the now moment, before you miss it too.
Smile. Even if all you can muster is the faintest Mona Lisa smile, muster it. Brain science tells us you can actually train your brain into getting happy, and this is an easy step to get things kick-started. See how long you can hold that faint smile for, and when you realize you've lost it, do it again. And again.
Commit to something that sparks you. We feel most alive when there's something in our life that lights us up. Whether it's career or personal (or both); whether it's a one-time 'bucket list' item or a regular weekly event, commit to doing something that fills you with anticipation and pulls you happily forward into the future.
We all have the power to live now. So let's do this!
P.S. Thanks to a suggestion from Paul, you can now check a box under the 'Leave a comment' link/window that says <-- check here & join this discussion! in order to be notified of other comments on any particular post. And I love when you share your comments on my posts, because that's where some of the most interesting discussions take place. Do tell us: what are your tricks are for living now?