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Cathy...Cathier...Cathiest!

Back in the mid-eighties, when I was around ten or twelve years old, there was a line of cosmetics that was very popular called Merle Norman.  They're still around, but not as popular (at least where I live) as they were back in the day.  I remember going to their store at the mall, where my aunt worked at the time, so that she could give my mom a makeup lesson (and of course sell her some makeup thereafter).  My mom didn't wear much makeup, and my aunt did a lovely job of not making her look "made-up", but I remember how pretty I thought my mom looked with her red hair and blue eyes after my aunt applied foundation, a natural-looking blush, some mascara, some pretty lavender eye shadow and pink lipstick (this was the 80's, remember).  My mom's natural prettiness was enhanced just enough to make me think "wow". Around the same time, Merle Norman (at least I'm pretty sure it was Merle Norman) had a magazine ad running that showed a lovely lady, ad name "Cathy", in various stages of getting ready in the morning.  The first shot, entitled "Cathy", was a photo of her just out of the shower:  body wrapped in a towel, hair wet and not a stitch of makeup on yet.  The second photo was entitled "Cathier", and showed her again but with a bathrobe on, hair partly air-dried and probably some foundation and blush on. The third and final photo, entitled "Cathiest!" showcased the finished product:  Cathy with her business suit on, her hair styled to perfection and her face fresh and fully made up.  I imagine the ad to have then said something about her "being the best Cathy she could be" with the help, of course, of the makeup. The idea of that ad has stuck with me for more than two decades since (thus far!), due in part to the fact that even at that young age, I identified somehow with Cathy.  I was a rather plain, though not homely-looking girl at that age, not yet wearing any makeup but just starting to become interested in the world of grown-up-girlhood.  I was quite impressed at what a lovely difference a bit of makeup made for my mom, and identifying as a very plain-looking girl myself, I was equally impressed and subsequently hopeful that I too would be able to undergo a Cathy-esque transformation with the help of a little makeup. Once I did start wearing makeup, at around the age of fourteen, I became very quickly attached to it and through my teens and twenties, I really developed quite a complex about anyone seeing me without my makeup on.  My very closest girlfriends excepted, I would not leave the house without makeup on and when I did allow my girlfriends to see me without makeup (generally only at sleepovers), I was regularly the butt of my own jokes about how frightening and/or horrid I looked without it. Now in my mid-thirties, I look back and puzzle a bit over how and why I became so hard on myself.  True, I still do look and feel much better with my makeup on, even though I don't wear a lot of it either, but how I feel inside when someone sees me without my makeup on is just really, really different.  I do have fair skin and hair AND some nasty dark circles under my eyes - at all times, not just when I'm extra tired - so there's no doubt that I look substantially prettier and healthier when I add some colour to my face. But what's different is that for whatever reason, I used to apologize for my natural appearance in an almost shameful way.  I don't do that anymore.  And yet even though I'm still a regular, daily user of makeup, it's not because of the makeup that I feel better about myself.  That confidence, and comfort in my own skin, is something that has come with age and experience and acceptance of myself - and not just physically.  I still don't feel radiant when I'm completely makeup-free, but once in a while I'll go out for a walk early in the morning around my neighbourhood and I won't get "made up" first.  And I don't really mind.  Often I won't pass anyone in my tour of the neighbouring streets, but if I do, I'll smile and say hello rather than run for the hills like I would have twenty years ago. So perhaps I'm not yet all the way there in terms of accepting myself just the way I am, but I'm definitely on my way from Kelly...and Kellier...to "Kelliest!" 

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©2023 by Kelly Wagner

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