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How To Deal With Overwhelm In Seven Easy Steps

*Note: today's post is on the subject of overwhelm and chaos, the concept of which has been completely put into perspective this week by Hurricane Sandy.  In the face of a natural disaster, we realize how trivial some of our day-to-day concerns truly are.  That said, once things get back to normal, I know these feelings of overwhelm will resurface somewhere down the road for most of us...so today's post is going up as planned.  For my readers who are in the affected areas, know that you are in my thoughts and in my heart, and that I'm wishing you all safe passage through the rains, winds and power outages.  

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Chaos.

Ever find yourself completely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff on your to-do list?

Work is crazy, your house is a mess, your car needs an oil change and your calendar is jammed with social engagements and shuttling kids from one activity to the next.  Plus there are those five books you've been meaning to read, and the eight-week class you signed up for, and the hostas that you had planned to divide and re-plant this fall died from frostbite weeks ago and have now morphed into oozing piles of gelatinous yellow-green goo in your flowerbeds.

(The semblance of this situation to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental, and names and other minor details have been changed to protect the anonymity of the writer...I mean, of the person in question...I mean....oh dang, did I just blow my cover?)

The truth is, we've all been there.  We've all had those moments when we look around at the chaotic swirl of activity our life has become and we freeze up, with so much to do we don't even know where to begin.  (You have had those moments too, right??!)  Yet too often, once we get to the point where we're racing from one 'to-do' to the next, our tendency is to keep our nose to the grindstone (what a nasty visual!) and just keep on running.

Here's a sobering thought: most, if not all of the chaos, is your own doing.  

OUCH.  What?!?!  My own doing?

That's right.  You dear one, are the one who has - in some way, shape or form - said 'yes' to all the things and people and commitments that fill your calendar, your mind, your life.  

Good news: this moment of overwhelm is a blessing.

This moment is actually a cue for you to pause and take a few moments to re-evaluate:  are the things on your calendar, in your head and in your life the things that you want to be filling your time with?  

The definition of 'evaluate' is 'to determine or fix the value of', or 'to determine the significance, worth, or condition of usually by careful appraisal and study.'

More good news: dealing with overwhelm becomes easy when you pay attention to the words I've bolded in that last paragraph.  When you are clear on what your values are, you can easily assess what all of your current activities and commitments are worth to you (or whether they're worth it at all).  So, then:

How To Deal With Overwhelm In Seven Easy Steps:

  1. Create a quiet space where you can be uninterrupted for at least 10-15 minutes.  Lock yourself in the bathroom and turn on the water to feign a shower if you must.  Take a pen and paper.  Not actually into the shower.

  2. Take some deep breaths in and out, inhaling and exhaling as slowly and fully as you can, emptying your mind.  Focus closely on the feeling of your breath filling your lungs, and if you have trouble with a busy mind, try to focus solely on the number of breaths you've taken.  Do this until you feel centred and calm. (If this step alone takes more than 10-15 minutes, consider beginning a daily practice of deep breathing to keep yourself in a more centred state.  In the meantime, carry on to step 3 anyway.)

  3. From this calm and centred place, imagine yourself living the life of your dreams: Who's there?  What are you doing?  How are you feeling?  Write down the names and words that come to mind.  General names vs. specific ones are fine; for example, it's ok to write 'family', 'friends' and 'colleagues' instead of 'Joe, Sally, Freddie & Sue'.  Words about how you'll feel are especially important: connected, successful, loved, talented, grounded, vibrant, stoked... whatever it is that you want to feel.

  4. Now create 3-6 statements connecting the people in your ideal life with the feelings you want to generate.  Using the examples above, these might be something like: 'close, loving connections with my family'; 'a successful career with talented colleagues' (whatever 'success' means to you); 'to be a grounded, vibrant role model for my children'.  Now prioritize these statements in order of importance.  They may all feel equally important, but prioritizing them will help with Steps #5 and #7.  

  5. Next, taking a medium- to long-term perspective, decide whether all of the commitments that are currently part of your life contribute to the 3-6 'ideal life qualities' that you just identified.  Are the things you're doing today paving the road that'll take you to where you ultimately want to be, or are they leading you toward towns you really have no desire to visit?  Not only that, but can you realistically juggle all the balls you've tossed into the air right now?  Be ruthless and identify which things you need to let go of, delegate, or postpone until another time.

  6. Do a quick brainstorm of all the good things you already have in your life.  We take so much for granted on a day-to-day basis: the taps that instantly offer us hot water for a shower, the coffee maker that brews your morning cuppa, the pet that comes to nuzzle us and let us know we're loved no matter what.  (If you need some more inspiration to help you brainstorm, check out Paul's blog post).  Dwell in that feeling of gratitude for all the things that are already going right for you.

  7. Step back into your current life, and actually let go of, delegate, or postpone the things from Step #5 that aren't fully aligned with your long-term vision of your life.  This can be the hardest step, but it's crucial if you want to keep yourself on the path to your ideal life and eliminate overwhelm.  

Sometimes we need to let go of a few things and learn to say 'no' - even to things that are appealing in some ways - in order to make room for what's really important right now and long term.  When you take the time to clearly identify what you value most, and also to recognize and honour your own needs and limitations (there are only so many hours in the day), it becomes much easier to make decisions and identify where to focus your attention.  Continue to dwell in the feeling of gratitude for the good that already surrounds you, and consciously hold the intention to generate and live the feelings you are striving for in your ideal life.

Oh, and one final, satisfying step:  Watch your overwhelm dissipate as you shine the light of values clarity upon it.

What's your favourite tool for dealing with overwhelm?

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©2023 by Kelly Wagner

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