top of page

Is This What's Stopping You?

Whether it's sticking to an exercise practice, starting that business of yours or reaching any goal you deem important, do you ever find yourself insisting that you're GOING to GET GOING on it already?  

'No excuses this time!', you hear yourself saying, with genuine conviction.

Days and then weeks go by.  You try to ignore the fact that you're still not doing it. 

Then the 'forbidden' excuses return: 'ButI really HATE exercise', or 'I can't even figure out Twitter, nevermind build a website!'

Phooey.  Maybe what you 'hate about exercise' is being in a gym that feels more like being in a beauty pageant, when what you'd really enjoy would be an outdoor hike by yourself.  And truthfully, you can figure out how to do pretty much anything these days (including how to use Twitter and build a website) with this simple tool.  Or this one.

Or maybe you really do hate exercise and you really don't want your own business.

Do you or don't you?

What is it that makes us say we want things that we don't really want?  And what stops us from doing the things we actually want to do?  

Resistance.  Fear.  Insecurity.  A lack of priorities.  Laziness.  Call it anything you want, but negative labelling accomplishes nothing except for to make you feel crummy about yourself for not following through.  Not only that, but it doesn't usually solve the problem and tends to keep you stuck, rather than inspire you into action.

What if the secret to moving forward was to take a deep dive and exploreWHYthose things are important to you in the first place?

For example:

  • Why do you want to have an exercise practice?  = To lose weight and be fit.

  • Why do you want to start your own business?  = To be your own boss.

Those might seem like reasonable answers at first glance, but you've got to peel back those surface layerseven further to get to the real heart of your desires. 

When you do, it's common to find both external motivators (based on something or someone outside of you) and internal motivators (based on how you personally feel inside), each of which has what I call 'surface reasons' and 'underlying reasons'.  

And while everyones' surface and underlying reasons will be different, at the heart of them all is something entirely common among all human beings:  our core desire.

Examples, once again:

EXTERNAL MOTIVATORS:

Why do you want to:
Surface reason:
Underlying reason:
Core desire:
lose weight & be fit
to become/remain attractive to my partner/prospective partner
to gain others' acceptance & approval
to feel loved
be my own boss
so nobody else can tell me what to do
to be respected & admired by others
to feel loved

INTERNAL MOTIVATORS:

Why do you want to:
Surface reason:
Underlying reason:
Core desire:
lose weight & be fit
to fit into my skinny jeans (even when nobody's looking!)
to feel trim &  healthy
to love how I feel
be my own boss
to be able to create my own schedule (& wear my skinny jeans whenever I want!)
to feel free
to love how I feel

Yep.  As complex as we human beings are, we're also simple creatures.

Let's admit it folks: we all want to feel loved and to love how we feel.  

And here's the ticket: our core internal desires - how we want to feel - are the hot buttons, the magnets, the central power sources for all the other external desires.

Like I said, everyones' surface and underlying reasons for pursuing a goal can be different. The next person might be more driven to 'lose weight and get fit' in order to avoid pain and disease rather than to be perceived as attractive, for example.   But at the heart of any motivating factor is still the common core desire: to love how they feel (in this case, pain- and disease-free).  Being one's own boss might make one person feel free, but the next person might pursue it because it makes them feel powerful.  Again, the core desire is to love how they feel...and that means knowing which feelings are the ones that light them up.  

Is it feeling free or feeling powerful that really lights you up?  Is it feeling attractive or feeling smart that does it for you?  Or is it something else entirely?

What stops us from taking action on our goals and dreams then, is when we're not fully attuned to how we want to feel.  

To stay motivated and in action, rather than focusing on the external/tangible evidence (i.e. "I want to lose weight/be my own boss"), try focusing on the feeling that you're seeking (i.e. "I intend to feel healthy/free").  Focusing on your core desired feelings when you're stepping onto the treadmill or building your new website (or doing whichever external activities line up with the way you want to feel), will help to keep you on track.

Have you stopped to figure out exactly how you want to feel?

Getting clear on your desires is the most powerful step you can take to motivate yourself to take action on your dreams.

If you want to get clear on your core desired feelings, check out The Desire Map.

  • Youtube
  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • X/Twitter
  • LinkedIn
IP_Certified_Trainer_logo_bw.png

©2023 by Kelly Wagner

bottom of page